…online. Time for a rest and tomorrow will be a new day, hopefully, a better one. If all else fail, I think I may have to wait for my “1-million-ringgit-in-a-book”.

The next morning, I checked the internet and not to my surprise, nothing was in my mailbox except for some junk advertisements. For a start, it seems like those job portals aren’t doing a good job at helping people get jobs. Or perhaps, they don’t like “beggars” like me. I have nothing to lose but also, nothing much to offer. Later, I gave it some thought and searched my university and instead, found a contest on a board game called Next Level that claims to teach entrepreneurship. I can really use a day off and so, I applied. The contest had started last week and participants would be allowed to choose the day of competition and play the board game as long as there are 3 other participants present. Nothing more was mentioned about the game. Is this part of the marketing strategy? Never mind that, I was all into this game upon laying my eyes on the words “contest” and “entrepreneurship”.

A few minutes later, I was replied and was offered a game at 11am. “This will not be another useless day for me,” I told myself, almost to the tone level of a shout. I then went on to a shower and quickly put on my clothes. Joining activities in the university either as a participant or part of the organizing committee has given me pleasure as well as pain in the past. I’ve had the chance to meet cute girls; which would be the pleasure, only to be turned down when I asked for a contact e-mail; the pain. Other than the attraction from opposite sex, I got to learn a lot on how to work with people, control myself when I go through anger, fear, shyness, and stress. The only one that I still have would undoubtedly be stress.

As I approach the old canteen used as the game venue, I glared upon a scene I’ve not seen. A few people were running around a board, apparently out of joy for winning over a large amount of money from another and dozens of people holding calculators and writing on sheets of papers full of numbers which almost every single player held. Is this a brain-washing session turned effective or is the marketing for this board game that good?

“Hi, are you here to join the Next Level board game contest?” a young and fairly confident student asked me. “Yes, I’ve registered and got a reply in a matter of minutes, and I must say; that alone impressed me. The young student turned out to be the mastermind behind the board game and he has been experienced in the subject of accounts apparently. I have never seen such commanding or controlling power by a product, and who would have thought that the product is a board game. This reminds me of a quote from Albert Einstein on learning

knowledge from learning gets u from a to b, imagination from experience or growing takes u everywhere

I am already convinced and would go anywhere this young student would lead me to…

other chapter ->>

…their own. Some entrepreneurs innovate the available commercial systems and make money from it. For me, this may yet be another alternative to a job. Familiar book titles like FOREX Will Bring You Your Wealth For No Effort and Become A Millionaire In 9 Weeks came upon me. I wonder whether there is any knowledge in these books. How will spending RM36 on a book earn me a million? Won’t that be too much to ask for? I’ve always regarded self-motivation books are a waste of time as I know that they are all about positive thinking and doing something. Then again, I’m not doing much. Perhaps, this is an indication that it may be time to pick up some of these books. Perhaps, the only way to find out is to ‘walk the path’ or like what my dad once said,

to see beyond, eyes do not help, seeing with the mind is seeing fate in faith

I bought the 1 million ringgit book online with just RM36. Oh boy, spending RM36, I better get to see at least a return of half the money I’ve invested in today.

I then later find out that searching over the internet can be very tiring because of the tremendous amount of information, which translates to a huge amount of effort and time needed to find the right information. Looking for top selling entrepreneur books can take up to a whole day, the bulb on top of my head began to light up again! ‘Trouble finding books online’ and ‘the convincing 1 million ringgit book’ may be a way for me to innovate a business to cater for those people who would need exactly that service! Who would’ve thought of that? When there is a problem or a need in the community, it can be a market for a service or product that I can sell. Books, softwares, or just an advertisement service that gets attached to newspapers could be get me 1mil even faster than what any book can teach me. I am all fired up, fuel running through my veins, my engine all revved up, and word reader wide opened, focused on the screen before me. What do I do next? Slowly, the adrenaline rush drops to a new low. After a few minutes, I realized that all I would need is knowledge, skills, and human network. The bulb on top of my head switched off, making my room a little darker and I am once again back to square 1. Sigh.

As my knowledge on these topics are minimal and stress at an all time high, I then call it a day and took note to find out more on which books to get from people who are experienced in entrepreneurship. Find from the internet if I’m resourceful, ask the experts if the internet is too much of a burden. At least, I am now assured that I can soon place a newly-bought book that would make me much more money than any bank manager untidy and unkempt table. I will soon have a million ringgit to allow me to buy the service of a maid to clean up the room and… (The dream went on for a while until reality sets in again).

After some self-pitying, I continue to search the internet for job-seeking materials. The domestic internet search brought me over to a familiar institution that helps Malaysians get jobs. Jobstreet is the name. All I am asked is to fill in my particulars and wait for an e-mail if there is a match. Immediately, I signed up and keyed-in required information on myself and some criteria on what type of jobs I expected. I selected plenty of industries as dad once told me

a beggar can’t afford to choose

and right now, I’m the metaphor of a beggar. I guess this “beggar” here will be very happy with any offering of a job that offers to pour knowledge too. The next couple of hours went on with me customizing the information sent over the internet and finding more job-seeking services. After a whole day in front of my computer, I succeeded in registering myself at 3 job search portals and submitted 30 job applications…

other chapter ->> The End – Chapter 10 – A Game Of Money

…animals. Instant remedy, just like dropping 3 cans of beer in 5mins for me. I remember trying brisk walk before bedtime, electronic massage machines, sheep counting, and even chinese medicine. If this keeps up, I may have to wave a white flag and consider an early entry to heaven.

Suddenly, an idea came to mind. How about a high dosage of Jamie right into my arms? As I grinned on the idea, I realized how big a part Jamie had on my life now. I would smile whenever I think of her, no matter how bad my day was. Back when we met, she was the one who started the chatting interest in me and brought me to love the MSN chat program. I started to ask Jamie about what she thinks about us going on another date and strangely, she isn’t responding other than the monotonic “ok” and “anything”. Something seems unusual and missing.

Normally, she would act as another girl and chat with me over the same chatbox. Imitating as another person gives her a certain amount of security or enables her to ask me on things beyond her normal self, I guess. Although it has been for some time now, I know that it is her. I then asked Jamie on how her day was through the other identity of hers. Still the one or two-words reply. These past weeks, she has been online using her own name but rarely using her other identity. We would chat about anything, from daily activities to goals in life just weeks ago. Maybe being in a university should be very time-taxing for her. I’m as much concerned for her as I am worried. I should really get a job soon and then, I’ll be able to see her much more often with my own selection of work place and an income that would allow me to travel to see her.

In the end, or rather, my beginning, it’s all about money. As she is busy with her university obligations, I should also concentrate on getting a job, which may be a cure for my empathy problem. Maybe then, I won’t encounter any possession and don’t have to stay away from people anymore. Nothing will happen if I just sit at home and do nothing. Dad once said

the moving always outperforms the stationary

Also, I think that dad is right in telling me that

effort without hoping is like hoping without effort

I begin to look through the jobs offered recently and started to customize my resume based on those applications. Little have I notice in the past that if I have a degree, it would just show as 1 line in my resume. Most of the resumes of others posted online contain more than 1 education, other than a degree, like an extra course or an additional paper qualification.

On the other hand, many of the job advertisements I’ve read on the internet are targeting university graduates. I wonder where I will fit in or rather; will I ever fit in. Is there any space for non-degree holders in the first place? Perhaps, speed can be the only factor that can be of advantage to me, especially in some fields which require experience. I can offer to be an apprentice and learn a skill. Cooking, engineering, advertising, and marketing; all these fields need experience more than anything else. There is a glimmer of hope at the end of the long, dark, and stinky journey of mine. If I can find a mentor that would offer to teach me something that would be useful in terms of making money, I would never let go. That is what I have in mind now.

As I browse through the internet for more information, I found many books and other references to entrepreneurship. Now, this is a piece of interesting word or combination of words. From what I know, entrepreneurs are people who choose to earn a living through self-employment or starting a business on…

other chapter ->> The End – Chapter 9 – The Search For A Job

biggest conman in history for pulling off the largest fraud by a single person categorized as “Ponzi scheme fraud” amounting to US$50bil.
The world, much like me, is in chaos and I suddenly feel the urge to react on this. I tell mum that I’ll be leaving for Malacca tomorrow. I start to apply jobs after a swift return to Malacca so that I can make decisions without mum’s nagging sessions in the way. Internet job search portals are the most useful and I do spend a lot of time on resume writing and downloading mock interview videos. The more I try to get a job, the more I understand how hard it is to get one in this wretched economy. From the age of 13, I was exposed to multi-level marketing plans of the rich and have tried the Boy Scout’s way of the poor for earning a dollar or two for simple chores when I was in high school. By rich and poor, I refer to the amount of flowing funds available that the people have, with the poor actually consisting of people who have low amount of fluid funds that can be used for investment and the rich having higher amounts of this type of funds. When I was about to go to my pre-university studies, I successfully organized a computer LAN game and rented a cyber-cafe for half a day. That would be my greatest achievement to date and I will never forget that day, thanks to the event success as indicated by full usage of the computers by the winners and losers of the tournament when they sardine themselves into the small establishment and me ending up forgetting to take home my dad’s camera which was left there. I learnt a lot from that day. Albert Einstein once said

knowledge from learning gets u from a to b, imagination from experience or growing takes u everywhere

Wait a minute; I get it now. This seems to apply to the working world as well. The people who truly determines whether or not a piece of work has value and impact on my life would be bosses in a firm while those that have to play by these rules are the workers. Instead of being a participant at the computer LAN game, I chose to become an organizer and in reaction to this, I learn more than the rest! Further thinking, I realized that workers would only make bosses richer when they do come up with something of value. Suddenly, the idea of how fragile a job can be as the primary source of income came to me while reviewing what dad have taught me. I have to find alternatives and with that said, I may even have to start my own business. Deep within me lays the desire to stand out and have a life that has more meaning than anyone else. Even when the world seems to look down on me, nothing is greater to me than my desires.
There isn’t any war in my country, nor is there any serious need for economic alarms to go off. Sometimes I it seems like God am unfair to allow me a hard life. Why would He do that? Will he at least come and tell me why I’m still in misery? I wonder, haven’t I suffered long enough to have a good sleep and not get possessed? I am a good man being lawful, ethical, do charity when I have the time, and even stopped using polystyrene containers everytime I opt for take-away from food stalls in order to be more environmental-friendly towards mother nature. How about at least passing the subject which has made me extend my studies for 2 years? Also, I wondered whether the people over at the US and the warring nations like Pakistan would suffer more than me.
For me, for now, good sleep only comes with the option for the pill. Relaxing ones like Xanax, less addictive ones like Clonazepham, and sleeping pills like Ambien, I take them all more often than multi-vitamin pills. I think these are great tranquilizers, just like those that are shot using darts and worked on…

other chapter ->> The End – Chapter 8 – She Is Acting Strange

Upon arriving home, the sight of my computer gave me more confidence as I’m sure I will hang on as long as Jamie is there for me. She is the only person who is still chatting with me and have not run away upon meeting me and my problem. One person is enough to make me happy if it’s her. Just the thought of going out together again is enough to keep me on the path of life. This always translates into the decision to go back to the computer. As soon as the chatbox is opened, I quickly called out to Jamie. Right when I was getting a reply, mum yelled predictably, “You’re not getting near that computer. Have you read the newspaper today?” “Ok mum.” I say, knowing well that saying OK doesn’t mean that I’ll actually do exactly what mum asked of me but rather, it’s an “OK” for I-agree-that-what-you-mentioned-is-good-and-I-will-take-it-into-consideration-but-for-now-I-choose-not-to-take-the-advice type of reply. It’s strange that mum has yet to ever ask me on why I never comply to any of her “demands” even though I replied with an “OK”. Anyway, mum really knows how to spoil my mood as I’m starting to get stressed all over again. Soon, she came by and tossed a few pages of the newspaper to my lap. Without a change of expression, mum start to utter instantly, “Do you know that I hate seeing my son not reading the newspaper when he has time to chat with others over the internet? It’s a bad habit that I refuse to see.” (pause)… Wow, when did my mum learn how to use sentences in defense like I’ve always done? For the first time, she observed and came up with an understanding of what I say and replied unexpectedly.

Well, if I’m going to get a job, I may as well have the knowledge in the “what”, “when”, “how”, and most importantly, “why” of life. Maybe then, life wouldn’t be so monotonous and break into a different, passionate and stress-free living. “A little reading is fine if I can learn something from it”, I reminded myself as I picked up the newspaper and went through the job recruitment section of the newspaper in the living room. To my surprise, only one page worth of job offers was found! Skimming through the newspaper’s world section, I quickly found out why. It was filled with international news on fraud and war. Now I could see why the job market is on a low. I quickly realize that such a short period spent on the newspaper articles sparked such interesting thoughts, a string of philosophy that promptly followed and the understanding of the importance of reading the newspaper.  Dad once said

effort without hoping is like hoping without effort

I have to read and get ahead if I want any of my dreams to come true.

Other issues that caught my eyes most of the time I spent with the papers that afternoon were concerning the economy. Some call the current economic situation as a “melt-down”, others call it a “recession” with some fair amount of forecasts matching the 1929 Great Depression. What we will face may be a once-in-a-millennium economic problem of the similar proportion. According to the newspaper, it started off with the downturn of the US economy due to loans being handed out from banks to the people who loaned the loan to other people. Soon, the loans fell into the hands of the poor who can’t afford to repay and used to loan on getting sub-prime mortgages. When the bank went back to get a hold on the loans, it traced back to the poor saying that they don’t have any money. The banks were alarmed on the flaw of loan system in America, the complexity itself. In 2007, Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. closed down its mortgage subsidiary, BNC Mortgage. When the global financial-services firm filed for bankruptcy in September 2008, it made history by making its name as the largest bankruptcy in US history. Speaking of history, Bernard Madoff also made a new record by being the…

other chapter ->> The End – Chapter 7 – A Bad Time